Seriously, The Car Line Has Rules

Sitting in the car lines at my children’s schools is something that I do purely out of love. Truth be told, the car line makes me feel like I’m about to fly off the handle. I mean seriously, the words that come out of my mouth because the level of stupid I see in these dang lines could make a sailor blush.

In order to get to my daughter’s school there is a traffic light at the intersection for the road that leads to both the middle and high school. The planning that went into this traffic light used common sense, which can be a difficult thing for far too many people to understand. The light has a very special feature that apparently not all drivers are familiar with quite yet. It’s green in color and has this really cute little arrow to allow people to make a left turn with a more ease.

The issue begins with the people coming the opposite way that are making a right hand turn. It seems that we have a large population of color blind folks in our area because when there is a solid red light they seem to see bright green. Here is my frustration begins in the morning. I’m on the side with that clever little arrow waiting to make a left hand turn while I see a steady stream of cars taking that right hand turn as if the light doesn’t exist. Now, I’m a reasonable person. I can understand someone squeezing through as the yellow light turns, but when the light has been red and those of us waiting to make a left have sat through an entire light cycle and not even one car has managed to successfully turn onto the school road I begin to morph.

It starts with a sigh, then a huff, and “Come on people, get it together!” Then, my daughter starts to shake her head because I’m getting ready to show her exactly where her impatience comes from. I mean seriously, I do not understand how some of these heifers function in day to day life. So, after what seems like fifty-three and half light cycles I finally make it to the front of the turning lane. When I see that little green arrow, I’m going. I don’t care that someone else may think they can squeeze in because at this point I am having flashback to one of Ludacris’ best songs ever created, “Move B****, Get Out The Way!” There is no better song to be the theme music for this moment of my life.

After my first battle, now I am in the traffic circle at the middle school. There is not reason that these preteens need to hear mama’s monologue on the way out of the dang car. Your kid needs to have their mess together and you needed to say your goodbyes about 10 car lengths before now. I swear, these people are testing me.

Now, I’m one of those special moms that has two schools to go to. I load my son up, who is likely doing his sloth impression one more time just for good measure, to endure the adventure one more time. Now, my son is like a little grumpy old man. He has less patience than me and somehow is more brutally honest than me. As we coast down the road at 2.5 mph, he has turned into my right hand. “What in the world is that crazy person thinking,” he says as he’s holding his head in confusion. All I can do is tell him they left their common sense at home again.

For anyone that has ever been in an elementary car line, you are going to feel my pain on this one I’m sure. These lines move slower than a Wal-Mart checkout line after church. Some of these parents need to catch some awareness. We all think our kids are cute, we all want to look like good parents, but some of y’all take it to the next level. If you have to sit in your car for your child to finish eating the three course breakfast you slaved over, you need to park and get out of the way. If you have to place your car in park, look in the mirror to make sure not one hair is out place before opening your little princess’s or prince’s door for them, unbuckle them so they don’t hurt their sweet little fingers, and do the pageant queen wave until they walk into the doors, heifer you need to park your dang car. The rest of us moms have stuff to do. Our kids have their backpacks, we’ve told them we love them, and we want off this crazy ride like five minutes ago. I mean the parking lot is only maybe an extra ten feet away. Park that dang minivan, you’re holding up progress!

Sorry for my little morning rant, but I’m sure there are some of you that can relate to my struggles. If you’ve had similar experiences, please share them in the comments so I know I’m not alone. Hope you all have a Blessed Day and I shall pray for you other car line mom warriors!